i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
