Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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