how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
