My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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