Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
