Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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