he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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