He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
