is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
