i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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