You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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