$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
