Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
