I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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