Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
