Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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