While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
