that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
