you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
