do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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