I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
