i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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