i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
