I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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