ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
