my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
