FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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