Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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