i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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