It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
