were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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