She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
