break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
