my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
