I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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