Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just invented taco cereal.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
