One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
