its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
