thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish there were birth control emojis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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