Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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