why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
