I feel great
I just peed on a car
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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