We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
