I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
