it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
