I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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