pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
