walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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