I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
