the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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