i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
