Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
