you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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