it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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