Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
