Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
