i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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