maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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