I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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