This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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