Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
