Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
