it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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