I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
