how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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