the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
