my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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