I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
