Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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