I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
